if you want a sense of perspective, you can't afford it

In 2001-2002, I was into swing dancing, and was learning how to cook like for reals. So when Stace signed me up for GreatBoyfriends.com, she picked the name "DancinCook"

Now there's been nowhere to go dancing in my neighborhood for years, and I've become s slave to the microwave, so I feel like I can't use that profile anymore.

--Nick B Sat Sep 29 08:41:03 2007

Weird, the iPhone offers "2001-2002" as a clickable link to dial.

Oy. 2001-2002 I was seemingly happily married.

--Kirk Sat Sep 29 14:56:28 2007

When the fella played the last tricks on me I'd tolerate, I said another "goodbye" and signed up for eharmony. Extensive ads, extensive questions and what do I get? Nada for the efforts. Oh, yes, I'm getting "matches" sent to me that I reject quickly as statements and multiple choice answers contradict each other...and I often quickly find these great matches also listing in their cities on Craig's List with postings that make my teeth itch. Get out and join real groups who enjoy things in which you have a real interest. Dance, cook, canoe, see a real babe at your local gym or Y who can't keep her eyes off you--won't work for you...then go take classes in some activity--you don't want a couch potato--and find groups that do things as a group other than bar-hopping or 12-stepping. Women do the same thing in order to meet a possible mate. Your city will have a list of active singles events. IF a new date turns out to have been married five times and is on their fifth meaningful relationship this year--RUN! Been there, done that, tired of wearing t-shirts.

--Rennie Sat Sep 29 15:39:25 2007

From a ladies perspective, don't use Kirkjerk as a handle, sounds unflattering, would you want to date some one refering to themselves as a jerk? And I wouldn't use Kisreal, looks like Kiss-real. Kirk is a sexy name in print. I think of you as light hearted, congenial, free spirited, intelligent, and a hidden current of deepness with all that philosophy you know. Just match something with Kirk that makes you sound sexy and fun. I like DancinKirk, you do dance at parties and it reflects your lighthearted nature. Good luck, If my current dude doesn't work out, I'll be joining you on the dating sites!

--E-Rain Sat Sep 29 15:49:07 2007

OH, one more thing: online, folks just have to have photos. Mistake to post them on the dating sites as all someone will see is the photo and then decide you're a match or reject without really reading your profile. I tell folks I am bucktooth'd, lop-ear'd and spotted. They will never take me out without a bag over my head, and I get my huge outfits from a local tent and awning manufacturer. Yes, there is a photo of me a friend took when I wasn't aware, so not posed. It's on my profile at blender, but these online guys won't dig that far because they want msrightnow, then msnextweek. Don't join the liars, cheats, gamers and players online as you are too truthful in what I've noticed over the years. Get out there in the real world, but don't accept less for yourself. The person who hasn't read about you online may not know enough about you to try to mold into a pattern to fool you for a short time. IF you feel you've exhausted the possibilities around town, there is nothing wrong with joining groups that get together with each other in other parts of the country. Try an active singles cruise, not that expensive and you still get to enjoy the sights even if you don't connect. NCL has a great Hawaii cruise with five star dining for far less than you'd think. Enough out of me...good luck!

--Rennie Sat Sep 29 15:51:16 2007

Well, I have to admit romance is a tougher to start proposition than I expected, at least after school... maybe things were more (what's the opposite of star-crossed?) than I realized with my previous two relationships.

Rennie, one of the problems with pursuing things in the real world is how you don't want the spectre of being That Guy hanging over everything. (heh, though I am taking a class, though based on the first session I'm not too optimistic ;-)

The trouble with the online sites is, the women feel they get swamped with tons of messages from bozos and no-accounts who don't look at anything but the picture, while swell guys like me get the feeling women are being INCREDIBLY fussy, and will reject messages silently for the slightest thing that doesn't scream match made in heaven, with cheekbones to match.

--Kirk Sat Sep 29 20:58:25 2007

I keep wondering if I should revamp my profile so that it expresses the electric potential I hope my next romance to feel, rather than being a funny and slightly self-deprecating description of what I am. Projecting some kind of zest and enthusiasm for life and learning the other person's story...

--Kirk Sat Sep 29 21:02:11 2007

Look, I really want someone to enjoy life with day by day. Always be willing to learn something interesting and new. Smiles are important, so is being genuine and far more than a couch potato. Add zest in all you do. I'm flexible, realistic, mirrors don't break when I look in them, but I don't spend too much time wearing them out. I love a good joke, and can wear formal wear as well as blue jeans or joggers. I'm happy with myself, but would be happier sharing with someone special. Sound like you, Kirk? It's pretty much what all of us want until games and players chime in for their own brand of fun. Good luck with your search. It's not easy once you have developed a full personality far past school graduations ...... Rennie

--rennie Sat Sep 29 22:18:58 2007

It goes against our biological programming to reject love or the attempt at it. The rejector hurts less if they can keep the issue unresolved or keep it resolved in a de-escalated fashion. At least, according to attachment theory and teh book, BREAKING HEARTS: THE TWO SIDES OF UNREQUITED LOVE by Roy F. Baumeister and Sara R. Wotman.

This is where a conservative calls me a hypocrite or an ignorant liberal.

--The_Lex Mon Oct 1 19:55:40 2007

"I'm a little disenchanted with the whole online dating culture's tendency to express disinterest, or even loss of interest, by simply not communicating. It lacks the milkshake of human kindness."

- Hmmm, seems a bit familiar. You wrote almost the exact same thing to me on okcupid. Look Kirk, I was (and still am) really sorry for taking a few days to write back to you to let you know that I don't want to pursue something romantic with you. But to say that I was "not communicating" is wrong. It is a really difficult thing to reject someone, and I needed to put some thought into it (which can be hard to do when you're busy), especially because I think you are a decent person. 

As for the rest of your post, I think you should just *be yourself* on dating sites, don't use the username kirkjerk, and finally, you shouldn't be surprised that so many people on these dating sites love the outdoors, this is New England after all! And people who love the outdoors tend to have a sense of adventure, which could then translate to a disproportionately higher % of them wanting to try online dating. Also, lots of computer geeks (who are also over-represented both in the online dating community as well as in the Boston area) love the outdoors because it's the antidote to their sedentary, highly demanding jobs.

Well, 'nuf said. I enjoy reading your blog and I really meant what I said about wanting to be friends.

-Betsey (known on okcupid as bets75 - and no, I didn't use that because of AOL, it's just that the ones I wanted had already been taken)

--Betsey Tue Oct 2 10:12:22 2007

(heheh, for the uninitiated, I went on a pleasant dinner date w/ Betsey, whom I met on OKC)

So, on the "communication" thing. Yeah, I was a little sulky about not hearing back, but I think I actually composed this before seeing that you had responded. And it's less post-date followup and more the whole frustration of not hearing back from msgs to new folks on the site (despite avoiding the obvious pitfalls of not reading the damn profile etc -- though I have to admit to some hypocrisy there, plus I think women on these sites tend to get more swamped with msgs than guys do.)

heh, as for reuse of the "milkshake of human kindness", it's a fair cop. Actually it's a little goofy expression that occurred to me years ago, and for some reason has been coming back to me recently.

Anyway, I don't think taking time pondering how to put the best foot forward profile-wise, is incompatible with the advice to "*be yourself*". There's not too much point in getting involved with something on false pretenses.

And I do suspect that *some* people do spin (again, it's spin, not dishonesty) to make themselves more outdoorsy, because they perceive (probably accurately) that it sounds appealing. I can dig a good hike and love the shore, but to be honest I haven't been too fond of the woods since I got lost in 'em when I was six. I have to be onguard not to let myself lapse into homebodiness, since I do enjoy diving into other cultures, but am terrible at planning trips.

Ah well! And I know the ##ing is more based on "my name was taken" than any kind of homage, but AOL is where I saw it happening first.

Hope to see you around!

--Kirk Tue Oct 2 11:38:49 2007

Comments Disabled... (Thanks Dirty Rotten Spammers)
Feel free to write kirkjerk at gmail dot com!