A father and maternal grandmother worked hard to teach me, while I was still a wiggly pup, that everyone has merit far beyond what I first notice. I learned that a simple farmer and lofty rocket scientist in our family were evenly matched because the rocket scientist didn't understand the multiple faces of nature in order to successfully grow food to feed us. He could send rockets to the moon, but needed the farmer to feed him. He could manage most anything in physics, but could wreck a meal in the kitchen. We all work together in this world. I participate in a group that helps each other as each adds individual skills to get projects done. We don't compete. We all have individual strengths and weaknesses. We realize we can learn from each other and make the entire group stronger. I was captain, first singles on my school's tennis team long ago. My coach got bent out of shape because as I was playing, I'd be telling my opponent how to beat me like we were in a coaching situation. I'd win, and my coach would praise me. I'd lose, and she'd really get on to me about giving my opponent clues on how to beat me. I played hard, but I had FUN at it. Coach had to make it plain to me that I represented a school when I played. What we all probably need to do is figure the real need for competition when we represent others, and what works for us in our personal needs. I'd rather have friends and peers than defeated foes around me. We can have civilized debate. Anything we win, lose or draw is relative to how we and others view these. At some point, a job well-done or game well-played is just that. There will never be a time when we can totally judge ourselves against others as there are far too many considerations to factor in to make it logical. Let me tell you this: as a person nearly dead more than once, the thing I valued most about a person around me at the time was the smile and kindness in my company. I realize that I've been given a view of what matters most in life as I live it and when I'll again be going out of it ..... Rennie
Want to learn some competitiveness, a little about human psychology and communications, and get some humbleness, play a serious strategy game with some hardcore strategy gamers. They will compete hard but at the end of the game, they will tell you what you did wrong, give you some tips, etc. etc.
On another note that addresses this issue, remmember when I compared the gregariousness between you and Mo. Maybe this factor of competitiveness has something to do with that factor. Sure, there shouldn't be a competition of who has the most friends or anything (even though some people do so). Nonetheless, there does seem to be a certain amount of competitiveness in joking, flirting, teasing, etc. etc. for when people just have fun with each other and a lot of socializing. And if not exactly that, there is a degree of competitiveness when it comes to socializing. I'm not trying to making any huge point here or anything. I'm just trying to say that maybe your social habits have some connection with this competitiveness factor, too. . .?
Yeah, I always thought the gregariousness observation of yours was diametrically opposed to the conventional wisdom; in a lot of ways, I seemed to do better in a lot of "party" situations than her; she'd get burned out, I had to drag her a bit, and at least w/ people I know, I'm usually really social and (at least in my own mind ;-) funny.
So I dunno, I have trouble wrapping my head around your idea that she's a lot more gregarious than me (that was your idea, right?) I can kind of see some of your points but have trouble extrapolating from 'em...
Well. . .I don't really want to belabor the point, mainly because I don't know Mo as well as you, so I can't make a valid apples to apples comparison here. Plus, I don't want to bring in some kind of further "divorce chatter" and such. But maybe most of the people made their observation on the house warming party I had a couple years ago in Somerville.
There's also the observation that you didn't go out to more "conventional" socializing type places, such as dance clubs, bars, etc. That's all involved in preference, BUT it's easy to see how since they are "conventional" socializing places that if someone does go to those as often as another person, the person who doesn't go as often would be considered less gregarious.
But one thing to bring up in your response: you mention that "at least with people I know, I'm usually really social. . .". I want emphasize that you mention with "people you know." When I mention gregarious, I pretty much refer to situations that involve people you don't know.
As an extra comment, though, at my birthday party, you did seem a little more outgoing than I have seen you in the past.
And strangely enough, it's starting to feel a little odd talking about these kinds of things on something of a public area of your BLOG. I wonder if this kind of talk is appropriate, especially since it takes into account that first comparison between you and Mo. . .. Should this discussion be private, or should we find a way to not involve Mo in it (even though I originated it as such a comparison)?
Hmmm... Freud may not be in vogue, but it doesn't invalidate his theories completely.
Your musings seem pretty sound.
BTW, I only relate the gregariousness to the socialization stuff because I have had "socialization issues" in the past because of not seeing the point of competitive interaction with people, in the first place. After all, isn't it better if people cooperate, disclose information about each other, work on intimacy with each other, and act all New Agey rather than compete, make war, tease each other, don't prioritize intimacy with other people as very important, etc. etc.? I've found in some cases, that it may be better, but a lot of people don't necessarily always enjoy the New Agey, sensitive approach to things. . .Ah well, I've learned to enjoy the fun of competitiveness every once in awhile, even though I feel sometimes as if I've lost the good qualities of my sensitive, New Agey side. Drat!
I read that clarification as 'When I was 8 inches'...
Heheh.
Good times, good times.