T (a 'Silent Conversation')

I'm not absolutely positive about the chronological placement of this laptop "silent conversation", but I'm pretty sure this is when it happened.

Again, the paragraphs alternate between hers and mine, starting with me talking about Garrison Keillor, with her responses in italics.

So anyway... Garrison Keillor wrote, in response to why are we here, about gentleness. Sometimes it seems like there's a part of gentleness that's not inside of you. Not all of gentleness, but a part, a part that is tied into being very open with people, an openness that I'm not sure you think you can afford. Or maybe that's just a form of sour grapes, you have such beauty in so many, many other ways, and I need a way of remind myself of yours and everybody's imperfection.

i think i understand what you mean about a kind of gentleness that's not there. the way i am is open. if i'm not comfortable saying something, i won't, but that doesn't keep me from opening my big mouth and spouting tactless things.

Well, at the risk of sounding all mystical-eyed, it's not just about things that can be said. Maybe theories like this don't matter.
But people do fall in love with you left and right.
Something Rick said though made me realize something, about your beauty. Basically he said, in this goofy, pseudo-chauvinist-swine way we have, that "oh yeah, she's a babe." For some reason I entertained, for a time, a theory that not everyone could appreciate your beauty, that I had a different view than other people.
"Another beautiful theory destroyed by ugly fact." Happens to the best of 'em.

i don't know what to write! for so many years i was an ugly duckling, i have trouble believing i've turned into a swan...

Sheesh! You must have a very very high opinion of the subtleties of the tastes of Guys...

well, i have no illusions about the maturity level of the boys i come in contact with, but when i'm complimented i still have a hard time thinking it's sincere. years of being the unattractive one of the class are hard to shed.
and my outward appearance is no substitute for a lack of real social skills. a question: does rosetta have any close female friends?

Well, if it's any comfort, I have one, working on two. (Male friends, that is.) At Tufts, anyways. maybe 2 others around.
What would it take for me to be able to touch you again?

you'd have to be brave enough to reach out. i'd have to be brave enough to say yes.
why?

I miss touching you, and being touched by you.
These days, I'm not searching for love, not for the time being. But touch is something...touch is something I am.
(ooh- purposefully ambigous grammar. English major, ho)

touch is something that is hard to do without.

Yes.
Are you happy about the touch you have in your life now?

the touch i have is odd. i still touch daniel, i'm not sure if that's healthy or not, but it's not a satisfying touch because i'm so unsure of it. i touch other people whenever i'm around them. if i'm not comfortable touching someone, then i'm not really comfortable with them at all. does that sound odd? a lot of trust, for me, is tied up in physical contact. certian people i never touch -- i'm never comfortable being alone with them...

But you seem to be comfortable alone with me?

you're not the average acquaintance!

I didn't mean that to sound as incredulous as it did. Let me try again:
But you seem to be comfortable with me...
Much better- the power of proper puncuation.
I would want to touch you. For the touch itself, and for the learning, and as a way of being closer to another soul and this bluegreen hunk of rock. All of those three are important, I think.

so what can i do?

Is it something you would feel comfortable with? Or comfortable enough?

yes.

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