2024.08.07
I'm nostalgic about all the romance I've been through, before and since then, grateful for everything I've been able to closely share with someone, even as I recognize the way I'm in like with the world can too often leave the person I'm with feeling insufficiently cherished.
Paul Simon has a song "The Late Great Johnny Ace", where the narrator mourns the death of John Lennon by telling the earlier story of finding about the death of another singer, Johnny Ace. (I was today years old when I realized "Johnny Ace" was a real performer.) In that kind of vein, I had earlier mourned the impending breakup of my marriage in a poem called Happiest, probably a little too much about some tableaux from previous relationships. I find a kind of nostalgic comfort in it now, happy thinking of some times and accepting the transience of it all.
During a "let's catch a beer" conversation with another former romance, I realized a contradiction I was carrying - at one point I was talking about how I don't really believe in personal growth - like it happens, but the core of us is somewhat constant, or at least not likely to change behaviors without a constant application of willpower. And then later I was talking about how I would always be a bit salty about how the ex didn't give me time to grow with her into what she was looking for. I guess it's weird for the guy who doesn't believe in personal change to be looking for someone to give them a chance to change.
Was thinking about this poem, languishing in some corner of the Blender of Love, addressed to the person I pursued in college and had given up by the time things started with my now ex.
the loss of loss (1998)So much for not having to try again!
all those times
when you seemed ready
to give it one more try-(you appearing
at my window)those times now past;
prelude. prelude to
the separate contentments
we now savor.
(trust, affection,
lust, kindness,
romance)still, there is something sad
in not having
to try again.
(the loss
of loss)
During a "let's catch a beer" conversation with another former romance, I realized a contradiction I was carrying - at one point I was talking about how I don't really believe in personal growth - like it happens, but the core of us is somewhat constant, or at least not likely to change behaviors without a constant application of willpower. And then later I was talking about how I would always be a bit salty about how the ex didn't give me time to grow with her into what she was looking for. I guess it's weird for the guy who doesn't believe in personal change to be looking for someone to give them a chance to change.
Watching Tom Emmer, a GOP rep from Minnesota, on CNN insisting that violent crime is up in his state under Gov. Walz. AsI love how conservatives keep trying to say they're the "facts not feelings" side
@sarasidnertv keeps giving FBI numbers on the fact that crime is down, Emmer says, "You can throw whatever statistics you want, but violent crime is at all time highs." That's the level of lies these bastards are running on.
Prison time is an armor if you let it. It's all in the perspective and mindset. Open yourself up to your shortcomings, different perspectives, and it gives you a chance to grow exponentially. It really has been a gift. A shitty gift, but a gift.