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SBNation:This mom teaching her son how to block is the the most important football video of the year

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An online buddy was bemoaning the sloppy use of "literally" to mean (roughly) its opposite.

I agree it sucks; there's no concise way to literally mean "literally" without the word literally.

But I will die on the hill that people should not be replacing "literally" with "figuratively" e.g."he's figuratively driving me up the wall!"

You don't have to demarcate idioms that way, it's gratuitous. When people (mis)use literally, it's an amplifier meaning "absolutely" or similar.

So then, what is the replacement for "literally"? Easy.. it's literally just "literally", but at the end of the phrase.

"He's driving me up the wall!" => He's disturbing me.
"He's literally driving me up the wall!" => He's REALLY disturbing me.
"He's driving me up the wall - literally!" => He has some sort of wacky vertical car, or is otherwise causing me to ascend while up against a surface.