Selections from the K & R Carousel

Then's the moment not to be astounded
When you find you've been merry-go-rounded
--Ogden Nash, Vernon Duke, "Roundabout"

Before I went to college, I resolved to fall in love with someone intelligent and beautiful and charming and woo her and live happily ever after. It didn't quite work out that way.

I did find someone intelligent, beautiful, and charming. I spent all of college and a few years after mooning after her. Call her "Rosetta" (an alias...the woman in question has graciously given her ok for this page, suggested I use her initial rather than her name, but to preserve the structure of the documents I had to adopt the longer alias.)

We had an odd relationship. I'm not sure when, if ever, she would have accepted calling it boyfriend/girlfriend, but at times we were physically and emotionally intimate. But between those times, we were very distant, always her choice. I thought of it as kind of a sine wave of a relationship, or a carousel, hence the title of this collection.

This is a large-ish selection from the e-mail I saved from that time, with a few "silent conversation" dialogs on my laptop computer thrown in for good measure. To make it easier to know who's writing what at a glance, (and at the risk of being a true geek,) I've color coded the documents: e-mail from me to her is purplish-blue, from her to me is in the rose-ish color. The "silent conversation" written dialogs are green, as are a few other e-mails to or from other people, but relevant to whatever relationship R. and I had. Also, I've annotated many of the e-mails to give them a sense of context.

R. was (is, actually) a beautiful woman who had a bit of a thing for geeky guys. I have my own theories, some too cynical for my own good, as to why things worked when they did, and why they didn't in the end. I do wish we were better friends after at it all, but there might be good reasons why that isn't such a good idea. At this time, she's again not very communicative.

R. is probably very important to the creation of the Blender. The Blender got its start when I was looking for a theme to hang my homepage on and remembered all the things I had typed in to send to my e-mail list. 2/3 of them were romance related, and that ratio probably has to do with trying to catch her attention. So there's a small chance that without R., the Blender wouldn't be here today.

I am very much over R. In fact, I was for some time before Mo and I started going out. More recently, I realized not only was I over R., but I was over being over her, if that makes any sense. The whole affair has left a few scars, though. Chief among them being I tend to get jumpy when someone goes incommunicado for a while...I'm a little prone to be anxious that it's a prelude to that person leaving me out of their life, since that was what would usually happen on a downturn of the K & R sine wave.

So, why this archive? I guess I'm a bit of an emotional exhibitionist. Also, I'm convinced (and a little dismayed) that people do some of their best writing when they are longing after someone. I've written some great e-mail with Mo, but we've been mercifully free of the doubt and anxious need to impress that marks much of what I've written here.

So, without further noise, the K & R archive... I'm publishing this in 4 parts, one per week throughout September.

`Part One`
Silent Conversations, Fall Semester Freshman Year
Talk3
talk8
Spring Semester Freshman Year
from k to r, Spring 1993
Perhaps, from r to k
Two from r to k, summer 1993
The Following Summer
Re: your mail (from k to r, 27 Mar 1994)
Spring Semester Sophomore Year
Re: How's everything (from r to k, 9 Apr 1994)
long rambling letter as promised (from k to r, 17 Apr 1994)
Re: long rambling letter as promised (from r to k, 15 May 1994)
sorry it's e-mail (from k to r, 16 May 1994)
Re: ps (from k to r, 31 May 1994)
ambiguity (from k to r, 2 Jun 1994)
Re: your mail (from k to r, 5 Jun 1994)
The Following Summer
Re: How was the 4th? (from k to r, 5 Jul 1994)
Re: Rosetta again? (from k to r, 9 Aug 1994)
Fall Semester Junior Year
Re: ? (from r to k, 9 Sep 1994)
T (a 'Silent Conversation')
Re: - (from r to k, 19 Sep 1994)
Re: Boo'ful: (from r to k, 20 Sep 1994)
Re: ps (from r to k, 28 Sep 1994)
Re: [with apologies to Omar Khayyam] (from r to k, 4 Oct 1994)
Re: Sunday (from r to k, 7 Oct 1994)
5 cent philosophy (from k to r, 25 Oct 1994)
Re: your mail (from k to r, 25 Oct 1994)
Comfort (from k to r, 26 Oct 1994)
Re: Comfort (from k to r, 26 Oct 1994)
[slight ramble] (from k to r, 30 Oct 1994)
(from r to k, 30 Oct 1994)
Re: Good morning-- (from r to k, 6 Nov 1994)
(from k to r, 6 Nov 1994)
Re: ? (from k to r, 7 Nov 1994)
Re: 'morning (from k to r, 18 Dec 1994)
Re: late. (from r to k, 3 Jan 1995)
Missed you by a minute (from k to r, 6 Jan 1995)
`Part Two`
Spring Semester Junior Year
45 minutes and counting.... (from k to r, 30 Mar 1995)
Re: 45 minutes and counting.... (from r to k, 31 Mar 1995)
quote (from k to r, 9 Apr 1995)
Re: Apology (from r to k, 25 Apr 1995)
The Following Summer
Re: hey beautiful (from r to k, 17 Jun 1995)
Re: hey beautiful (from r to k, 17 Jun 1995)
Re: safe to ignore previous (from r to k, 2 Jul 1995)
last thought (from k to r, 4 Aug 1995)
tapioca (from r to k, 14 Aug 1995)
Re: morning (from k to L., 22 Aug 1995)
hey boo'ful (from k to r, 31 Aug 1995)
Fall Semester Senior Year
latenight thoughts (from k to r, 8 Sep 1995)
Re: dinner etc. (from k to r, 26 Sep 1995)
Re: your mail (from r to k, 5 Oct 1995)
Re: Thursday (from r to k, 10 Oct 1995)
(from k to r, 11 Oct 1995)
The Usual Post-Mortem Letter (from k to r, 14 Oct 1995)
that on poem (from k to r, 15 Oct 1995)
(from r to k, 15 Oct 1995)
On Wooden Swords and Oversized Shirts (from k to r, 22 Oct 1995)
Re: your mail (from r to k, 13 Nov 1995)
Re: "all together now' (from r to k, 20 Nov 1995)
Long rambling letter redux, part1 (from k to k, 22 Nov 1995)
Long rambling letter redux part 2(from k to r, 22 Nov 1995)
usual post-mortem ramble. (from k to r, 23 Dec 1995)
`Part Three`
Spring Semester Senior Year
(from k to r, 12 Feb 1996)
Re: your mail (from r to k, 11 Mar 1996)
Love Polygons (from k to r, 13 Mar 1996)
The Muppets (from k to r, 18 Mar 1996)
thought from the produce section (from k to r, 24 Mar 1996)
been thinking (from k to r, 24 Mar 1996)
(from r to k, 25 Mar 1996)
why (from k to r, 7 Apr 1996)
Night Thoughts (from k to r, 9 Apr 1996)
Re: Take a Metaphor to Bed (from r to k, 16 Apr 1996)
Re: The cleaners (from r to k, 25 Apr 1996)
(from k to r, 30 Apr 1996)
Re: your mail (from r to k, 30 Apr 1996)
sex (from r to k, 14 May 1996)
genius (from k to r, 18 May 1996)
Summer 1996
Re: your mail (from r to k, 7 Jun 1996)
Re: laundry (from r to k, 16 Jun 1996)
Re: plane (from r to k, 18 Jun 1996)
(from k to r, 23 Jun 1996)
hey (from k to J., 17 Jul 1996)
Re: sacrament (from r to k, 29 Jul 1996)
`Part Four`
Fall and Winter 1996-1997
ring finger, right hand (from k to r, 9 Sep 1996)
Re: Coca-Cola (from r to k, 21 Sep 1996)
laundry (from k to r, 25 Sep 1996)
(from r to k, 19 Oct 1996)
Re: g'morning (from k to r, 20 Oct 1996)
ps (coffee bean musing) (from k to r, 20 Oct 1996)
Re: Forwarded mail.... (from k to r, 21 Oct 1996)
Re: what you write (from k to r, 27 Oct 1996)
Re: Concert (from r to k, 29 Oct 1996)
(from k to r, 29 Oct 1996)
Re: think of a title for me? (from k to r, 29 Oct 1996)
Re: edited (from k to r, 29 Oct 1996)
Re: errf (from r to k, 1 Nov 1996)
Re: actually (from k to r, 8 Nov 1996)
Re: your mail (from r to k, 27 Nov 1996)
Re: your mail (from r to k, 29 Nov 1996)
Re: hugs (from r to k, 2 Dec 1996)
story (from k to r, 17 Dec 1996)
Re: story (from r to k, 17 Dec 1996)
Re: your mail (from r to k, 20 Dec 1996)
Re: your mail (from r to k, 21 Dec 1996)
Re: your mail (from r to k, 22 Dec 1996)
Re: your mail (from k to r, 22 Dec 1996)
(from r to k, 10 Jan 1997)
Re: your mail (from k to r, 11 Jan 1997)
tonight (from r to k, 18 Jan 1997)
Re: your mail (from r to k, 26 Jan 1997)
Re: your mail (from r to k, 30 Jan 1997)
(from r to k, 8 Feb 1997)
(from k to r, 10 Feb 1997)
(from r to k, 12 Feb 1997)
(from k to r, 23 Feb 1997)
(from k to r, 14 Mar 1997)
(from k to r, 17 Mar 1997)
hey babe (from k to r, 22 Mar 1997)
`Appendix`
The Loss of Loss and "Hi--" are previous loveblender submissions, both involving my "modern day" feelings about her, Also, I once submitted a few selections From a Red Journal that she had kept for a short time that she gave me.