Selections from the K & R Carousel
Then's the moment not to be astounded
When you find you've been merry-go-rounded
--Ogden Nash, Vernon Duke, "Roundabout"
Before I went to college, I resolved to fall in love with someone
intelligent and beautiful and charming and woo her and live happily
ever after. It didn't quite work out that way.
I did find someone intelligent, beautiful, and charming.
I spent all of college and a few years after mooning after her.
Call her "Rosetta" (an alias...the woman in question has graciously given her
ok for this page, suggested I use her initial rather than her name, but to
preserve the structure of the documents I had to adopt the longer alias.)
We had an odd relationship. I'm not sure when, if ever, she would have accepted
calling it boyfriend/girlfriend, but at times we were physically and emotionally
intimate. But between those times, we were very distant, always her choice. I thought
of it as kind of a sine wave of a relationship, or a carousel, hence the title of this collection.
This is a large-ish selection from the e-mail I saved from that time, with a few
"silent conversation" dialogs on my laptop computer thrown in for good measure.
To make it easier to know who's writing what at a glance, (and at the risk of being
a true geek,) I've color coded the documents: e-mail from
me to her is purplish-blue, from her to me is in the rose-ish color. The
"silent conversation" written dialogs are green, as are a few other e-mails to
or from other people, but relevant to whatever relationship R. and I had.
Also, I've annotated many of the e-mails to give them a sense of context.
R. was (is, actually) a beautiful woman who had a bit of a thing for geeky guys.
I have my own theories, some too cynical for my own good, as to why things worked
when they did, and why they didn't in the end. I do wish we were better friends after at it all, but there might
be good reasons why that isn't such a good idea. At this time, she's again not very
communicative.
R. is probably very important to the creation of the Blender. The Blender got
its start when I was looking for a theme to hang my homepage on and remembered
all the things I had typed in to send to my e-mail list. 2/3 of them were
romance related, and that ratio probably has to do with trying to catch
her attention. So there's a small chance that without R., the Blender wouldn't
be here today.
I am very much over R. In fact, I was for some time before Mo and I started going out.
More recently, I realized not only was I over R., but I was over being over her, if
that makes any sense. The whole affair has left a few scars, though. Chief among
them being I tend to get jumpy when someone goes incommunicado for a while...I'm
a little prone to be anxious that it's a prelude to that person leaving me out of
their life, since that was what would usually happen on a downturn of the K & R
sine wave.
So, why this archive? I guess I'm a bit of an emotional exhibitionist. Also,
I'm convinced (and a little dismayed) that people do some of their best writing
when they are longing after someone. I've written some great e-mail with Mo, but
we've been mercifully free of the doubt and anxious need to impress that marks
much of what I've written here.
So, without further noise, the K & R archive...
I'm publishing this in 4 parts, one per week throughout September.
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| Part One |
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| Silent Conversations, Fall Semester Freshman Year |
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| Talk3 |
| talk8 |
| Spring Semester Freshman Year |
|---|
| from k to r, Spring 1993 |
| Perhaps, from r to k |
| Two from r to k, summer 1993 |
| The Following Summer |
|---|
| Re: your mail (from k to r, 27 Mar 1994) |
| Spring Semester Sophomore Year |
|---|
| Re: How's everything (from r to k, 9 Apr 1994) |
| long rambling letter as promised (from k to r, 17 Apr 1994) |
| Re: long rambling letter as promised (from r to k, 15 May 1994) |
| sorry it's e-mail (from k to r, 16 May 1994) |
| Re: ps (from k to r, 31 May 1994) |
| ambiguity (from k to r, 2 Jun 1994) |
| Re: your mail (from k to r, 5 Jun 1994) |
| The Following Summer |
|---|
| Re: How was the 4th? (from k to r, 5 Jul 1994) |
| Re: Rosetta again? (from k to r, 9 Aug 1994) |
| Fall Semester Junior Year |
|---|
| Re: ? (from r to k, 9 Sep 1994) |
| T (a 'Silent Conversation') |
| Re: - (from r to k, 19 Sep 1994) |
| Re: Boo'ful: (from r to k, 20 Sep 1994) |
| Re: ps (from r to k, 28 Sep 1994) |
| Re: [with apologies to Omar Khayyam] (from r to k, 4 Oct 1994) |
| Re: Sunday (from r to k, 7 Oct 1994) |
| 5 cent philosophy (from k to r, 25 Oct 1994) |
| Re: your mail (from k to r, 25 Oct 1994) |
| Comfort (from k to r, 26 Oct 1994) |
| Re: Comfort (from k to r, 26 Oct 1994) |
| [slight ramble] (from k to r, 30 Oct 1994) |
| (from r to k, 30 Oct 1994) |
| Re: Good morning-- (from r to k, 6 Nov 1994) |
| (from k to r, 6 Nov 1994) |
| Re: ? (from k to r, 7 Nov 1994) |
| Re: 'morning (from k to r, 18 Dec 1994) |
| Re: late. (from r to k, 3 Jan 1995) |
| Missed you by a minute (from k to r, 6 Jan 1995) |
| Part Two |
|---|
| Spring Semester Junior Year |
|---|
| 45 minutes and counting.... (from k to r, 30 Mar 1995) |
| Re: 45 minutes and counting.... (from r to k, 31 Mar 1995) |
| quote (from k to r, 9 Apr 1995) |
| Re: Apology (from r to k, 25 Apr 1995) |
| The Following Summer |
|---|
| Re: hey beautiful (from r to k, 17 Jun 1995) |
| Re: hey beautiful (from r to k, 17 Jun 1995) |
| Re: safe to ignore previous (from r to k, 2 Jul 1995) |
| last thought (from k to r, 4 Aug 1995) |
| tapioca (from r to k, 14 Aug 1995) |
| Re: morning (from k to L., 22 Aug 1995) |
| hey boo'ful (from k to r, 31 Aug 1995) |
| Fall Semester Senior Year |
|---|
| latenight thoughts (from k to r, 8 Sep 1995) |
| Re: dinner etc. (from k to r, 26 Sep 1995) |
| Re: your mail (from r to k, 5 Oct 1995) |
| Re: Thursday (from r to k, 10 Oct 1995) |
| (from k to r, 11 Oct 1995) |
| The Usual Post-Mortem Letter (from k to r, 14 Oct 1995) |
| that on poem (from k to r, 15 Oct 1995) |
| (from r to k, 15 Oct 1995) |
| On Wooden Swords and Oversized Shirts (from k to r, 22 Oct 1995) |
| Re: your mail (from r to k, 13 Nov 1995) |
| Re: "all together now' (from r to k, 20 Nov 1995) |
| Long rambling letter redux, part1 (from k to k, 22 Nov 1995) |
| Long rambling letter redux part 2(from k to r, 22 Nov 1995) |
| usual post-mortem ramble. (from k to r, 23 Dec 1995) |
| Part Three |
|---|
| Spring Semester Senior Year |
|---|
| (from k to r, 12 Feb 1996) |
| Re: your mail (from r to k, 11 Mar 1996) |
| Love Polygons (from k to r, 13 Mar 1996) |
| The Muppets (from k to r, 18 Mar 1996) |
| thought from the produce section (from k to r, 24 Mar 1996) |
| been thinking (from k to r, 24 Mar 1996) |
| (from r to k, 25 Mar 1996) |
| why (from k to r, 7 Apr 1996) |
| Night Thoughts (from k to r, 9 Apr 1996) |
| Re: Take a Metaphor to Bed (from r to k, 16 Apr 1996) |
| Re: The cleaners (from r to k, 25 Apr 1996) |
| (from k to r, 30 Apr 1996) |
| Re: your mail (from r to k, 30 Apr 1996) |
| sex (from r to k, 14 May 1996) |
| genius (from k to r, 18 May 1996) |
| Summer 1996 |
|---|
| Re: your mail (from r to k, 7 Jun 1996) |
| Re: laundry (from r to k, 16 Jun 1996) |
| Re: plane (from r to k, 18 Jun 1996) |
| (from k to r, 23 Jun 1996) |
| hey (from k to J., 17 Jul 1996) |
| Re: sacrament (from r to k, 29 Jul 1996) |
| Part Four |
|---|
| Fall and Winter 1996-1997 |
|---|
| ring finger, right hand (from k to r, 9 Sep 1996) |
| Re: Coca-Cola (from r to k, 21 Sep 1996) |
| laundry (from k to r, 25 Sep 1996) |
| (from r to k, 19 Oct 1996) |
| Re: g'morning (from k to r, 20 Oct 1996) |
| ps (coffee bean musing) (from k to r, 20 Oct 1996) |
| Re: Forwarded mail.... (from k to r, 21 Oct 1996) |
| Re: what you write (from k to r, 27 Oct 1996) |
| Re: Concert (from r to k, 29 Oct 1996) |
| (from k to r, 29 Oct 1996) |
| Re: think of a title for me? (from k to r, 29 Oct 1996) |
| Re: edited (from k to r, 29 Oct 1996) |
| Re: errf (from r to k, 1 Nov 1996) |
| Re: actually (from k to r, 8 Nov 1996) |
| Re: your mail (from r to k, 27 Nov 1996) |
| Re: your mail (from r to k, 29 Nov 1996) |
| Re: hugs (from r to k, 2 Dec 1996) |
| story (from k to r, 17 Dec 1996) |
| Re: story (from r to k, 17 Dec 1996) |
| Re: your mail (from r to k, 20 Dec 1996) |
| Re: your mail (from r to k, 21 Dec 1996) |
| Re: your mail (from r to k, 22 Dec 1996) |
| Re: your mail (from k to r, 22 Dec 1996) |
| (from r to k, 10 Jan 1997) |
| Re: your mail (from k to r, 11 Jan 1997) |
| tonight (from r to k, 18 Jan 1997) |
| Re: your mail (from r to k, 26 Jan 1997) |
| Re: your mail (from r to k, 30 Jan 1997) |
| (from r to k, 8 Feb 1997) |
| (from k to r, 10 Feb 1997) |
| (from r to k, 12 Feb 1997) |
| (from k to r, 23 Feb 1997) |
| (from k to r, 14 Mar 1997) |
| (from k to r, 17 Mar 1997) |
| hey babe (from k to r, 22 Mar 1997) |
| Appendix |
|---|
|
The Loss of Loss and
"Hi--" are previous loveblender
submissions,
both involving
my "modern day" feelings about her, Also, I once
submitted a few selections From a Red Journal
that she had kept
for a short time that she gave me.
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