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hey (from k to , 17 Jul 1996)

read _the_princess_bride_ tonight.  really good book, though not
quite up to the buildup i had given to it.  actually, i'm surprised 
at how good the movie was.

and a quote from the book is in my .plan

I liked your.plan, about the roses.  it may end up on the blender, and
not the heart-on-sleeve corner part either.

things have been going really, really badly with rosetta lately.
if i seem a little out-of-sorts lately that might be why.  she's kind 
of a paradox, it seems like to love her you have to have to convince 
her you're not in love with her, and hope.  she's very defensive of her
space right now: i don't know if it's just her time of life and no job or 
because she's sick of me.

i'm not sure if you want to hear all of this.  but right now, knowing me 
well is knowing this.

there's actually a lot i see the same between the way you've been acting 
towards me and the way i've been acting torwards her, except i'm willing 
to live with it and am flattered and actually kind of like it while i 
think she's had enough people act that way towards her that she's kind of
bored and annoyed, maybe very annoyed.

i've had a hard time getting over her, harder than even with Veronika 
back in high school.  I seemed to kind of get over veronika, mostly 
anyways, once i started seeing marnie.  not quite so with rosetta,
despite a few good relationships since then.  then again, veronika went 
away, far away.  geography was so against us, maybe that helped me get over 
things.  maybe i can't get over the idea of someone who lives nearish me 
and could possibly be with me not and has been with me not wanting me.  
ich bin ein ego-boy, maybe.

the thing is, she is pretty ungiving and demanding.  i see the way she
interacts with her mom and i don't like it, and think it bodes unwell for
her and relationships in general.  if i am in love with her it's not for
that.  it may be because of an ineffable something, maybe not.  it may be
because she's smart and really beautiful, more beautiful than most people,
and the the touch between us is really amazing, or at least i think it is. 
maybe it's just she's learned the knack of really communicating what feels
good via her body, and that in turn gets me communicating nonverbally as
well.  me putting up with so much shit from her probably indicates great
feeling or something really off balance in me. 

by the way, i think you're pretty and wonderfully adventerous and 
have creative smarts (I'm not sure what type of smarts rosetta has, 
except SAT-type smarts: she was bad at school and really hasn't gotten 
her life-act together.  she reads a lot though, but i have much deeper
discussions over lunch with the guys at work than with her) you're 
also good at touch but there's still a link of nonverbal communication
that we haven't formed, not that I'm anxious to stop trying... ;->

so love polygons it is.  you seem to carry a torch for me, and veronika 
says she does to, or did in nyc.  life is unfair for most evryone, like 
the princess bride implied.  in the end, i'm not convinced that rosetta
will find happiness either.

So, you got through all of this, huh?  Wow.  More info than you need to 

anyway, it's 11:30 and it's time for this little astronat of love to 
catch the first rocket to the planet of slumberland.


-O\O  Kirk Is            Romance dead? Nah. Visit the BLENDER OF LOVE
( = )
    "The desires of the heart are as crooked as corkscrews." --Auden

This is a note to Jen. She probably had it worse for me than I did for her. Bizarre Love Triangles and all that. But Jen did get me to continue singing with Tufts sQ (a cappella) for the year after I graduated.

The Princess Bride quote is: "I really do think that love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops. But I also have to say, for the umpty-umpth time, that life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all."

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