Driving home I think I pinpointed one of the bigger differnces between you and I... it's how each of our hormones tell us to react to the following (hypothetical (of course (not))) situation: you find someone. The touch is some of the best ever. So is the conversation, and the space where there's no conversation. You enjoy each other's way of thinking very much, and both people are good at being there when the other person needs them. There's a lot of comfort to be found in each other's company. In short, really good best friends. but there's something missing, some spark or other, some random je ne sais what, irritating in its absence. And the difference is what our hormones tell us to do. Mine want to take the best touch and all that other stuff, and see if that can't be the flint rock for that spark. But you (I guess I'm guessing, describing how things look from my nest chair here) get WanderLust, your hormones putting aside what you and I are when it's more convenient because of the chance that you'll find that now and forever spark as soon as you're thrown into that next relationship. I guess we're both looking for something, the same thing, but just have different feelings about where that's likely to be found. And that can be so very tough, and I don't always understand why our touch has to be on such a hit and miss basis. It's not a terrible status quo, because we both get each other's friendship in the meantime, and that means an awful lot, I think to both of us. (and I'm gambling a tiny bit that we can acknowledge this hormone tension/difference without risking what we do have; compared to some of the other gambles I've been taking, it's pretty minor) I just reread Jake + Lydia. There's supposedly a litmus test, come back to your stuff after a year and see if you still like it. I still think it's good, though there are a lot of rough edges that I can see now that I couldn't before. Call me, tonight if you read this then, otherwise we'll probably talk during work sometime. peacefully yours kirk |
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