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(from k to r, 23 Feb 1997)

Driving home I think I pinpointed one of the bigger differnces between you
and I... it's how each of our hormones tell us to react to the following
(hypothetical (of course (not))) situation: 
 you find someone.  The touch is some of the best ever.  So is the
conversation, and the space where there's no conversation.  You enjoy each
other's way of thinking very much, and both people are good at being there
when the other person needs them.  There's a lot of comfort to be found in
each other's company.  In short, really good best friends.  but there's
something missing, some spark or other, some random je ne sais what,
irritating in its absence. 

And the difference is what our hormones tell us to do.  Mine want to take
the best touch and all that other stuff, and see if that can't be the
flint rock for that spark.  But you (I guess I'm guessing, describing how
things look from my nest chair here) get WanderLust, your hormones putting
aside what you and I are when it's more convenient because of the chance
that you'll find that now and forever spark as soon as you're thrown into
that next relationship.

I guess we're both looking for something, the same thing, but just have
different feelings about where that's likely to be found.  And that can be
so very tough, and I don't always understand why our touch has to be on
such a hit and miss basis. 

It's not a terrible status quo, because we both get each other's
friendship in the meantime, and that means an awful lot, I think to
both of us.  (and I'm gambling a tiny bit that we can acknowledge this
hormone tension/difference without risking what we do have; compared to 
some of the other gambles I've been taking, it's pretty minor)

I just reread Jake + Lydia.  There's supposedly a litmus test, come back
to your stuff after a year and see if you still like it.  I still think
it's good, though there are a lot of rough edges that I can see now that I
couldn't before.

Call me, tonight if you read this then, otherwise we'll probably talk
during work sometime.

peacefully yours

Jake and Lydia was a story I wrote in college.

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