Deposit quarter and get ready for some super soul-winning action.
Tract-man will appear on the screen armed with three different inspiring
"Chick" tracts: "What if you should be run over by a steam roller tonight?",
"Turn or Burn: God's Eternal Barbecue", and "The Pope is a Dope". Your
job is to witness to five fleeing pagans who run for their lives. You can
pick up extra speed by crossing one of the four "Pentecost Power Pills"
TM located in the corners of the maze. When a pagan is overtaken
by Tract-man, he will be automatically converted. You will then hear the
sounds of angels rejoicing, and the pagan will return to home base where
he will be issued a leisure suit and be forced to listen to Reba Rambo
records for the rest of the game.
In this game, you control a minister who is trying to gain upward mobility
while attempting to avoid worldly temptation and sins of the flesh
which move in front of him across the screen, threatening to ruin his
ministry. You must maneuver the Reverend to safety through the approaching
women who think he's macho, bags of money, vodka martinis, cocaine dealers,
gay choir directors, porno films, and decks of playing cards (Baptist version
only). You get three tries, but if you fail, your minister is "defrocked"
and must begin a new career as an Amway distributor.
Here's a true to life action-packed war game that pits you, a born again
Biblical inerrantist, against dangerous neo-orthodox modernist liberals who
are out to destroy God's Word, the King James Bible. To succeed, you must
take the offensive and locate potential enemies roaming the field of
battle which unfolds before your eyes in exciting 3-D realism! Remember:
the key to this game is to aim and fire quickly. Don't give the opposition
a chance to defend itself or you could be made to look pretty
dadgum foolish. GOOD LUCK!
Insert $50 for each game, or $250 for the entire series of six games.
You control the hero of the game--Dr. James Dobson who will appear
in the center of the screen. Your mission as Dr. Dobson is to protect
and save the last American family from extinction. Behind your podium,
you hurl clever one-liners and humorous anecdotes at enemies of the
family who will be attack all from all sides. Enemies include such
hideous monsters as humanists, pop psychologists who disagree with you,
drug dealers, attractive secretaries, milkmen, and film distributors
who are late sending your royalty checks. Win or lose, you are guaranteed
to get rich in this game.
In this game, you get to be the famous Christian seminar leader Bill Gothard.
Insert 25 cents, unless of course you are an "alumni", in which case you
probably don't want to play anyway. As Bill, you must defend your multimillion
dollar ministry from being devoured by the Seven Deadly Sintipedes slithering
down the screen. You shoot at them with beams of light from your overhead projector,
but if you miss, the sintipede divides and becomes harder to hit. To make matters
worse, a spider who is also a reporter for Christianity Today magazine
hovers near by, taking the whole thing down. If you win the game, you
record your name on the screen, which brings you an impersonal birthday
card every year for the rest of your life.
Deposit a quarter and wait for your "call". You have one second
to hit the "accept" button and begin play. As pastor, you must successfully defend
yourself against an onslaught of attacking parishioners. Begin by neutralizing
the slow moving elders, deacons, and committee chairmen. Then as the
tension builds, take on the harder to hit charismatics and denominational
powermongers. Score 10,000 points and look out for the "Invisible
Church Member" who can do you in even though you can't see him.
Three misses and the church splits. Win the game and you get to add
an educational wing and move up to a bigger church.
Insert your token and you'll see Adam and Eve who are about to be
evolved into bananas by the angry monkey at the top. You must take
quick action. You are a dedicated Christian Creationist at the bottom
of the screen who must carefully climb the archaeological ladder and rescue
the desperate couple up above. You must avoid secular humanists, textbooks,
barrels of supposedly prehistoric fossils, evil paleontologists, and the entire
United States Supreme Court. When the going gets tough, just press the
"lawsuit" button which allows you to jump over obstacles and make it
to the top. If after three tries you are unsuccessful, stop playing
this game and move to game entitled "Christian School".
In this cosmic thriller, you have a chance to become the anticipated
deilverer of God's chosen people--the "King of the Jews". You command
your messiah as he defends five Jewish cities (Jerusalem, New York,
Las Vegas, Atlantic City, and Miami Beach) from attack by deadly bolts
of light that originate from neo-Nazi, pro-Arab terrorists above. If
your messiah succeeds, his next assignment is to take over Lebanon,
the West Bank, the Gaza Strip, Chicago, Los Angeles, and Wheaton.
If you are unsuccessful, however, your messiah must open up a jewelry store
in Manhattan while the cities wait for another messiah to try.
Insert 12 quarters for six games. Wait for first game to start. If nothing
happens, kick machine. Still nothing? Sorry, but you got took. Insert
another 12 quarters. Wait again. It may start this time, but it'll be a little
late. Now push button which reads "One Prayer" or "Two Prayers". Wait a minute.
That should read "Players" not "Prayers". Who proofread this game, anyway?
Now begin play. Halfway through the game, decide that it is shallow,
tasteless, and crude. Write a letter to the attendant demanding cancellation
of the rest of the game.
In this exciting game, you control the last three "true" Christians on earth--Francis
Shaeffer, Jack Sparks, and Michael Warnke. They must take on, one at a time, an entire
army of false teachers and cult leaders marching down on them in formation,
threatening to wipe out the historic Christian faith. Begin by shooting down the
dancing Hare Krishnas, the Moonies (dropping flowers on you), and the Mormons
(on bicycles). Then look out for the 144,000 Jehovah's Witnesses,
the Scientologists, and the Possibility Thinkers! Be especially prepared for the
prancing T.V. evangelist in the pink suit who comes swooping down
on you trying to stick his finger in your ear. Score 666 and the screen lights
up indicating "Rapture!". Your dead heroes will rise to fight again, and who
knows--you may wind up playing this game for a millenium.
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