"Seduction is a lie, and as we get older, we get tired of lies," said Figaro. "We know them all and they're not amusing anymore."
Seduction is a sweet story, and if the listener wants so much to hear it, then it is no lie. Seduction is a mutual endeavor in which I conspire with a woman to giver her an opening to do what she wants to do without reminding her that this goes against her principles. A woman's principles and her desires are constantly at war, and if there were no one to seduce a woman, she would have to figure out how to do it herself. Her principles call for her to remain aloof and uninterested until she meets a man who makes her faint. Her desires are otherwise. She wants to say, "That man, there. Unwrap him and send him over here so he can love me." She cannot say this. So I try to help her. I say, Zerlina, I would like to hold your hand for two minutes and then you could shoot me and I will die a happy man.
She laughs, but she does not turn away. She rolls her eyes. She says, "Oh, phoo." She gives me her hand.
I say: The greatest tragedy is to be cut off from intimacy, from touch, which is the most human of languages, Zerlina, and the most honest. There is no lie in a touch, a caress, never. The language of the body is the language of the purest truth.
She is amused. I put my other hand on her shoulder. She turns and leans against me. "You're something," she says.
Zerlina, I say, there's a bottle of champagne waiting on ice at the Olympia Hotel, and a couple of dozen oysters. When we get there, we'll order up a big salad in a wooden bowl, with basil and spinach and fennel and cilantro and radicchio, and we'll have it with olive oil and vinegar and pepper and garlic. Then a steak tartare, with chopped onions and an egg yolk. And then we'll undress quickly without shame, as adults, and jump into the big bed and amuse each other as only adults can do. And afterward, we'll eat an omelet. And then do it again.
Her hand twitches in mine, and I guess that I have touched a chord- "This is the best time of year for oysters," I say in a low voice, "and one should never eat them without erotic plans for later."
the good news i got laid last night , the bad news is like.. everything else