2004.11.17
Tom Robbins, excerpts from "Still Life With Woodpecker":
Who knows how to make love stay?
Tell love you are going to the Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if love stays, it can have half. It will stay.
Tell love you want a momento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a mustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.
Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to bed and assure love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning.
News of the Moment
Howard Stern is right, we are becoming such a nation of prudes. We've totally lost the idea of a little bit of light, sexy fun...the Monday Night Football intro was hardly pornographic. "Won't somebody think of the children??" We've got more hangups than...dang, what's a good end to that sentence? A strike at AT&T? A blowout clearance at The Christmas Tree Shop?
Correction of the Moment
"in clause 82, paragraph 17, subsection (b) of the original treaty, delete the word "pertanually" and replace with the word "insubdurience".Still, it seems to be taken seriously by the guy griping about the abuse of language by politicians in this article. As far as I can tell these are perfectly cromulent words.