Feh. I'm feeling kind of down lately. Life is feeling chaotic, too many things I'm not getting a very good grip on...
January 25, 2005
- I'm almost afraid to admit this to my folks here but...the Hermit Crabs I got for Christmas were victims of the latest blizzard. I know they like warm, humid environments, but most of my apartment has been cold, so I put them in the bathroom. They seemed to be doing ok but then when I was away this blizzard weekend they ran out of water...the bathroom got too warm with its door closed and the heating system going all the time to heat the rest of the house. So, I'm sorry "George" and "Gracie", you deserved better than you got.
Maybe I should have followed my first instinct of bringing them to the office. My Sea Monkeys have been doing fine since September.
- I'm doing ok productivity wise but I'm feeling less and less crucial at work.
- My apartment is a mess. The laundry is piling up so much and I worry that the entire backroom will remain the dumping ground 'til I finally move.
- Finances, I'm making very good money, don't have any debt, but my checking account never looks like it's increasing much on a month to month basis...and I think I've due for a big Tax wallop (forgot to redo a W4 post-divorce) and I've been slacking 401K-wise. The good news is I have a big chunk of change, a mix of savings over the past 8 years and the sale of the house. Still I'm trying to figure out how to be smart with that. I have dreams of moving someplace cheap, buying a place I can half live-in, half-rent, and getting a job I really enjoy rather than just put up with, but then again I can't tear myself away from my attachments here, and can't even think of a good "someplace cheap" that has the stuff I expect from my cultural environment.
- Relationship-wise, I'm very lucky to be going out with such a sweet gal as Ksenia but I just think our expectations might be too far apart. Also (and this is another "almost afraid to admit this to my folks here") I'm getting pretty neurotic about birth control. What this nation needs is not a good 5-cent cigar or another Erectile Disfunction cure-pill (to fill up our Inboxes with spam)...it's a reliable reversible vasectomy.
- I feel like I just have NO time during any given week. And this is a giant issue with my romance and my friendships and everything else. I don't know where it's all bleeding off to...I've even cut way back on doing the rounds of the websites I try and keep up with, which has been one of my more reliable pleasures in life. I've got so many projects piling up...and then wondering why I didn't feel this way when still living in "married bliss" with Mo makes me worry that that was part of the problem, that I didn't spend the time that that would have required to work well.
- My weight is still like around 20 lbs higher than it was the fall before last...and of course, where could I find time to exercise? And is there any hope of making exercise something pleasurable? There have been times when I was really faithful for a long time about it...but it never felt that good, like something I was looking forward to. If alcoholism is a disease, where they're trying out pills that might reduce the craving, is there some way of fiddling with our own brain chemistry to make us crave a moderate amount of exercise?
I shoveled a lot of snow, and that made be feel very productive. Also I got those curtains up...the trouble is my apartment still feels drafty, and so far the temperature is still 4 degrees below what the thermostat is trying to get it to, so I'm running the heat all the damn time.
How is it with all of you?
Quote of the Moment
"The two most anticipated games of the post-season -- against arguably the second- and third- best teams in the NFL -- turned out to be as competitive as a PETA slaughterhouse video."
--Gerry Callahan in today's Boston Herald. The amount of hubris in that article alarms me, I'm convinced that as soon as the Pats realize how great they are, that's when they start to lose...