March 18, 2006
Raunch of the Moment
At one point, we tried to have phone sex. I felt incredibly awkward and had no idea what to say. I started, "Okay, I'm taking off your shirt. Wait, what are you wearing?" I was supposed to establish that. "Okay, good. I'm taking off your shirt. Now, I'm having sex with you. Okay, I'm done. Want to phone cuddle? Phone sleep?"
The icing on the cake was when we decided to role play. I told her to be the nurse, and that I would play the husband who cheats on his nurse wife.
She calmly explained that we needed to express what we wanted from each other, adding, "I wish you would be more sensitive."
"Fair enough," I said, "I wish you would be Asian."
"Oh, come on, it can't be that hard. I see little kids doing it!"
--Rop O'Reilly, "Inspiring Born-Again Virgins One Awful Experience At A Time", boink magazine