talk too much

September 5, 2018
I talk too much.

I think there are bad reasons I do, and then more ok reasons.

The worst reasons are all about the ego. I want to be seen as smart, I want to be seen as the provider of funny things. (On the more pathological side I need to demonstrate my worth - I really do think the "if you're not worthy, horrible things will be done to you" was a bad lesson I absorbed from church.)

Middling reasons include how I have a quick but not deep mind that likes to see things from everybody's angle. It's an empathetic way to be, but hard to follow if I haven't taken the time and effort to curate my thoughts.

Another reason is, if I withhold information, then I'm morally culpable if that information ended up being crucial or even useful to you. (Or just as bad, if other people are doing that, then there might be important stuff *I* don't know!)

But still. I am trying a bit. To think before I speak a bit longer, leave things unsaid, emails unwritten.

Sometimes I worry about the slippery slope, if I just stopped and stopped, I'd be nothing. Or that much less fun to be around. Or less informative. I don't have enough faith in my inner self and presence to 100% trust I could be worthy and interesting even if I didn't say much, but I should probably try hard to get over that.
Every movie is about something. Except for Ghostbusters. It's perfect but it's not about anything.
Basically it says Ghostbusters has no real character arc, or theme. Maybe that's why I like it so much! I'm not sure if my fixed mindset would let me write anything with a personal growth arc.