This is how the world ends: "not with a SPLITCH but a doop"

July 6, 2019
We now live in a time when everyone's a spitballer, from the president of the United States on down. America elected the world's oldest seventh-grader in 2016; we knew what we were getting from the earliest days of his campaign. Asked about one opponent, the successful business executive Carly Fiorina, Trump replied, "Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that?" He bullied the rest of the field with stupid nicknames. The hijinks continue to this day. Recently, Trump play-scolded Vladimir Putin as the Russian president smirked in reply. "Don't meddle in the election, please," said Trump -- as if the two of them had been caught giving wedgies and were forced to apologize. What, us worry?

In the 19th century, physicians discovered morphine and heroin, which suppresses coughing at its source—the brain.
Old wiki-page on The Smith Brothers, linked to via catlezzer who writes "why is this sentence written with such perfect comedic timing"... (I would note that posing a question and dropping the question mark adds to the deadpan timing, too) (via)

Sometimes it's so hard not to shoot the messenger, when the message is the world is not perfectly tuned to bow to your every whim. Or to quote Homer Simpson, "Lousy Minor Setback! THIS WORLD SUCKS!"
If you can't handle me at what you have mistakenly assumed is my worst, then prepare to be unpleasantly surprised in the immediate future.