March 7, 2023

I was trying to think of why I sometimes launch myself into angst-y procrastination rather than tackling items on my TODO list. If I track down that feeling, it's a bit of an anxiety response. But why? Most of the individual items are very manageable, only a few have that "oh this might being tougher than you think it should be for you, and therefore batter the old ego-laden self-image." I guess overall, it's just the sense that, as satisfying as it can be to knock things off the TODO into the DONE list, the process never ends. So it's like a fear of the endless grind, the awareness that I'll never get to the end of the pile.

It made me think of this quote - I couldn't locate the image I originally saw it with but it was something like this.

The goal of setting yourself tasks isn't to have a pile of useful things to do that ideally is whittled down to zero just before you kick it (not talking hospice situations, obviously, where sometimes the goal is to make space to let things unwind.) The goal is absolutely the journey, the process of doing worthwhile stuff and taking on that pile of TODOs day after day, and not beating yourself up too much on any given day about what is waiting 'til tomorrow... or what just ends up not being worth ever getting around to.