December 7, 2003
Hope everyone in nor'easter land is muddling through. We've shoveled 3 or 4 times. People just shouldn't be living this far north.
Anyway, in the interest of this blog's secondary function of keeping people informed about The Life of Kirk, I'm gonna mention that it looks like Mo and I are going to break up. I think it's fair to say it's her decision. There's a bundle of reasons, each one has had its turn feeling more or less important; her feeling there's a connection we haven't made all this time, not enough shared activities, that our admitted difference in ambition (she tends to be very driven to pursue various projects, I tend to have a less pro-active, take it as it comes approach) is something she can't deal with in a life-partner, the usual waxing and waning of sex drives, her feeling she's missed out by never having lived alone for any significant time. Over the past month or so we've been talking a lot, a bit of couples therapy, writing e-mail, I've been trying to convince her that our life together is really something good, and can be made better, especially now that she's finally talking about what's bugging her. But I fear she's not so easily persuaded.
I find giving up on a relationship or any commitment to be an incredibly painful thing to do (I really think that tenacity shows in weird places, like the strength of my commitment to music groups I've joined; if I'm not super-delighted about the direction of the group I'll gripe about it, but I'm the one that's always there) though I saw that possibility of giving up for the first a week or so ago, a line in the sand to cross, and yesterday when she said she'd be leaving me, I guess that was that.
It's amicable though, almost weirdly so. It's definately one of those situations where it would have been useful if she had identified some of these issues before the wedding and the purchase of our house, but hey. (Or as Brooke pointed out, it's like Adam Sandler says in The Wedding Singer: "Once again, Things that could have been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!") Still, within the context of doing what she thinks she owes it to herself to do, Mo is trying to be as kind and nice as possible, and does seemed pained by the hurt this kind of thing is going to cause me and also our families.
I'm glad to see she's started her own livejournal. You can see some of her thoughts and point of view there, but she wanted me to mention that it isn't the "true, deep representation" of how she feels about all of this.
Art of the Moment
I was contacted by Marissa Saradpon, because for a Design Layout class she had illustrated my old story Yee and Lan...the resulting work is really terrific, and her timing was great...I made it the feature for this month's Blender of Love (which saved me from writing up some horrendous essay about the breakup of me and Mo.)
Toy of the Moment
Your chance to rock the world of the holiday snowglobe dwellers. Really amusing. And a pretty good metaphor for how this holiday season is going for me...