rambles on romance

August 9, 2004

I've put off seriously getting to seekin' new romance 'til the divorce was final. There were some some practical reasons for that: there would've been an emotional baggage, not to mention having to explain it ("well, we're practically divorced...no, really!"), some dating services just won't deal with you until you're really in the clear, marriage wise, plus it was good to have some time to let the makeover sink in.

But now it's final, and I gotta figure out "what now".

Before I rush into anything, I think I should ask myself: am I anxious for new romance? And if so, why?

Sometimes I feel like I have a dollop of "been there, done that", at least relative to some other single folks I know who haven't been married. (Like they said on Will & Grace: "I want to marry...'the one.'" "And well you should, honey. How else are you going to get to 'the two' and 'the three'?") It's like I've proven something to myself, or maybe the world.

Now that's an idea that's going to get me into trouble and make everyone think I'm a shallow jerk and maybe stop me from finding True Love: I can't shake a concern for "what the world thinks".

I mean, what do we look for in romantic partners? You want someone smart. And funny. And attractive. Having some kind of career is a plus. And then there are those incredibly crucial but hard to gauge intangibles: they have to like you. At some point, you have to be able to figure if they're going to able to commit and be reliable. And you have to make sure your life goals are compatible. (And, in my case, that they're compatible with my lack of life goals...)

Anyway, the world looks to much at that set of tangibles, because it's easy to be shallow. And that affects how the world deals with us, and that can be profound. (Or is that all a cover, an excuse for me saying "dang it, I want a cute girlfriend!"?)

Back to the central point; why do I want romance, and what do I want out of it? Companionship is a big chunk of that, emotional, intellectual, physical. And for strengths that complement my weaknesses (me being wishywashy comes to mind) and strengths that complement my strengths and maybe a few minor weaknesses so I can feel useful too. And someone to show the stuff I think is cool to first.

(Great line from The Opposite of Sex: "Look for me first, in any crowded room, and I'll do the same.")

Eh, that's enough rambling for today. Tomorrow: thinking about strategy in the harsh worlds of dating, Internet and otherwise.

Pixels of the Moment
Eboy's Ecity is full of that big pixel, 3/4 angle goodness. It's funny how evocative the style is, I can't think of any videogame systems that ever really looked like that, it's kind of a self-contained but very cool style.

Followup of the Moment
In the comments the other day I mentioned people with the abilility to read other people very well...the link I was thinking of was from last September and the term I couldn't remember was "microexpressions". Anyway, here's a more recent article about people detecting lies. Turns out some Secret Service guys might be really good at it--is it their training, or their selection I wonder...

Link of the Moment
Beds for the Paranoid. Sleep tight! Don't let the axe-wielding murdering maniacs bite!