high ankh ziety

December 3, 2006

Well, I still have some of the issues with anxiety that I kisrael'd a year and a half ago. And I still think that I might have an "addiction to anxiety". Which is annoying, I mean if you get addicted to something, isn't there supposed to be a time where you enjoy it or appreciate it, at least for a while?

I've noticed that my anxiety tends to have a single focus at any given time. When I start to dwell on one thing, like say preparation for teaching next week, all the other concerns slide from view. But then when the preparations are settled, experience tells me one of the other concerns will shoulder its way to the forefront. Which makes me think, probably none of these things are worth me being so uptight... or at least, none of them are helped by my sense of anxiety.

Actually, that's true to a huge degree. And to the best of my introspection, that comes from a desperate need not to fail at a task, to be shown up as not good enough, to the extent that I have to fight trying to "sour grapes"-away tasks where it will be more evident I'm not the smartest guy in the world, or even the room.

One coping mechanism I've inadvertently developed... you can throw money at some problems to decent effect. I'm doing ok financially, I'm living fairly cheaply (if indulgently, when it comes to gizmos and the like) and so I tend to keep this great big financial safety cushion, and rely on it from time to time. This has given me some limited measure of the equanimity I kisrael'd 2 years ago, where sometimes I have the privilege of saying "hell, it's only money".

Lego of the Moment
FoSO did most of the work assembling this lego creation (from my favorite toy store The Construction Site) and while I dig the new Exo-Force line with all their big lego robot suits, I'm dismayed to see Lego providing sheets of stickers, rather than having them pre-applied to the various pieces. Mostly because I always screw up stickers on toys, they've never ended up straight, going back to my Transformers in the early-80s...