April 8, 2017

"Sir, could you give us the secret of your longevity?"

Well, the major thing is that I never ever touched fried food. I don't eat it, wouldn't look at it, and I don't touch it. And I never run for a bus. There'll always be another. Even if you're late for work, you know, I never run for a bus. I never ran, I just strolled, jaunty-jolly, walking to the bus stop.

"Well, there were no buses in the time of ..."

No, in my time...

"What was the means of transportation then?"

Mostly fear.

"Fear transported you?"

Fear, yes. You would see... an animal would growl, you'd go two miles in a minute. Fear would be the main propulsion.

"I think most people are interested in living a long and fruitful life, as you have."

Yes. Fruit is good, too, you mentioned fruit. Yeah. Fruit kept me going for a hundred and forty years once when I was on a very strict diet. Mainly nectarines. I love that fruit. It's half a peach, half a plum, it's a hell of a fruit. I love it! Not too cold, not too hot, you know, just nice. Even a rotten one is good. That's how much I love them. I'd rather eat a rotten nectarine than a fine plum. What do you think of that? That's how much I love them.

from the skit "Two Thousand Year Old Man", Mel Brooks & Carl Reiner
via "The Big Book of New American Humor", got in high school and have loved it ever since. Anyway, both that thing about the nectarine - it IS a hell of a fruit, and the advice about buses hops into my head whenever I'm looking for a piece of fruit or trying to catch public transportation.
Six photos from my School of Honk trip to Austin for HONK!TX...