2023.08.22
1. Unfortunately the end of life procedure is such that there's a good chance the cat knows something is up. (over the past few years, I had assumed we would try an at home end visit, but I think in practice, it's rare to not give a cat at least one more try at the vet, and when that confirms that a rebound isn't in the cards, it seems like a better path to deal with it there. But I'm having a twinge of second guessing. Though who knows, quite likely the at home vet would have wigged him out as well. And also, even though the penultimate part of the final part - ie before we asked for a bit more sedative- was more stress on him than I had hoped, and it wasn't the calmness of the familiar hangout on my chest as I reclined that we tried to recreate, I need to recognize that that brief time doesn't recolor the past good week he had before, or the good years of happy life cuddling we got before then through dutiful medical intervention, or the years before that. But still it bums me out a little.)
2. But the kindest thing any of the vet people said during the whole rough morning was the reminder that most critical part of the decision of the timing had been made not by us but by Dean's body.
3. Get the cat health insurance shelters offer, like trupanion. It helped with the meds and opened that gave us more years with Dean.
Melissa points out even at home he was mostly in a escape and hide out mode (albeit at a spot he liked under the bed), so after being poked and prodded it's not surprising he wanted to maybe get under stuff in the that room, and it's not a more specific worry he had than that.
bun bun look out behind you
Melissa pointed out that with 2 years with her, 4 years on our third floor walkup in Somerville, and 2 years here, most of Dean's time with us was there on Prichard. Which seems so weird, but says more about my sense of time than about Dean.