the incomplete lists of kirkisms

August 21, 2019
Twenty years ago (yeesh) My friend Paul M. recruited me to my first post-college job at a company called IDD. When we were there, he did me the honor of recording some of the oddball things I would say (this list has been languishing on a biography in lists page I made way back when - I can tell it's old because all of my html tags are in all caps...)
  1. Get the friggin' integer ass. (said to the Java compiler)
  2. Well, I sure hope I get to New York tonight. (sigh) - Fuck a duck, fuck a duck, fuck a duck duck duck
  3. Hang on while I stamp out a nipple (while brandishing a hammer)
  4. I gotta read that sex book ("Sex", the 1992 coffeetable book by Madonna)
  5. You fish and chips snarfelling waffler. (said to Paul, born in England).
  6. Ah, shoot off a nipple. Ooh. That would hurt. (said while pointing a gun at Paul's chest.)
  7. If libertarian ideals are so great, how come we use the English measurement system?
  8. Kirk: But Paul, I want to be a hero-- Paul: Yeah, but you don't want to be marketing's hero
  9. I want to have an artgasm.
  10. I wish I knew how to sing Lawrence Welk music.
  11. These bubbles make me happy as a little girl.
  12. I'd come crawling back to her in a minute if I thought I had a third of a chance.
  13. Wanna smell a nut?
  14. Don't threaten me. Don't threaten my manhood.
  15. (answering phone) Magic NetGravity Fairy
  16. That nail is an extension of me. You touched me!
  17. Lawrence Welk really had the right idea.
  18. I'm a software developer- I don't need shoes.
  19. Now my wrists are gonna get all sore.
  20. The reason that dogs chase cars is that they think they are giant buffalo and they want to herd them- or something.
Sometime in mid-2008 I started compiling a similar list of my idiosyncratic phrases
"( )"
I tend to talk parenthetically, in that I will start a statement and go immediately off into a parenthetical aside, usually a disclaimer or recognition of an alternate interpretation. This is often very confusing for the listener. e.g. "So I was thinking (and I'm not saying this is what we have to do, but it has worked pretty well in the past) we should take Amtrak rather than drive there."
"*grumblesmurf*"
An under-the-breath exclamation of discontent
"I was more struck by ____"
When I want to point out what aspect most stood out for me without dismissing the other parts.
"a little disjoint"
my favorite expression for some art work that just doesn't hang together very well
"dudely!"
Emphatic form of "dude", often connotating pleasant surprise. absorbed from mo.
"one option you might want to consider is..."
a typical prelude when suggesting a "helpful hint" to my mom or my aunt when helping them with their respective computer... trying to balance my urge to make things better with an understanding that people often like to keep things the way that they are used to.
"sister"
When I'm playfully frustrated or irritated with a female friend, I tend to call them sister... I think it comes from Han Solo's line in Star Wars, "It is for *me*, sister."
This bugged Ksenia very much.
"that's some of what it comes back to"
discussing a root cause while acknowledging the best explanations are multifaceted
"whatever you say me"
A bit of russlish Ksenia used once or twice, dropping the "to" from "say to me". I still use it as a form of grudging consent, as I did then to tease her a bit
Interesting to see which phrases I still use. I still like "you fish and chips snarfelling waffler", I definitely have too many parenthetical asides, and I like saying "*grumblesmurf*"

(I know it seems a bit self-absorbed to record and share this stuff, but if it helps I think everyone should be that kind of self-absorbed...)
okay so today the president said jews are stupid and got mad when he couldn't buy greenland